Since he started posting YouTube videos from his college dorm room eight years ago, Tyler Oakley has become a YouTube phenomenon. With well over 7.5 million subscribers to his YouTube channel along with a podcast and a recently published bestselling book, Oakley is now the subject of a new documentary film. Directed by Amy Rice (By the People: The Election of Barack Obama), Snervous follows Oakley on his sold-out international Slumber Party tour across the U.S., U.K., and Ireland. As one of the world’s most popular digital stars who has also become an LGBT activist, Oakley is no stranger to sharing his life online, but the film offers an even more intimate look into his relationship with his family and followers. I talked to 26-year-old Tyler Oakley about his phenomenal success and his hopes for the movie.
Danny Miller: Tyler, I am wildly outside your typical demographic but I really admire the work that you do. We met in the green room at a hotel in New York when we were waiting to interview the guys from One Direction about their new film. I saw that the fans outside the hotel seemed as excited about seeing you as they were about One Direction and I thought, “Who the hell is this guy?”
Tyler Oakley: (Laughs.) Oh my God! I was so terrified that day, it was one of my first celebrity interviews ever and it felt like the biggest thing in the world at the time.
You were sitting next to me making those flower things.
Yes, that I gave to each of the guys in the band! God, that seems like a million years ago.
Well, I asked people that day who you were and I’ve followed you a bit since then. I’m impressed by all the positive messages you put out. I enjoyed the film and was quite touched at the attention you gave to your old teacher who helped you so much when you were a kid.
That was one of my favorite moments of the whole process — I so wanted to talk about the importance of good teachers and what they can do for kids. That teacher totally changed my life. I wrote about her a lot in my book and it was so it was so cool to have her in the film.
Is it scary for you to move into these worlds beyond YouTube?
It’s thrilling. I’ve been very fortunate in that people have been very accepting of me trying new mediums like the podcast and the book and now hopefully the documentary. This was probably the scariest thing for me because it was the first time I had to totally relinquish control. For eight years now I’ve been the director, editor, and uploader of my YouTube videos so having someone else tell my story is a little scary but also really exciting.
YouTube is such an unusual medium because you can have that control over the content. I loved seeing some of your earliest videos in the film. What do you think it was about your videos that led to your huge success on YouTube?
I think there were a couple things. First, I was lucky that I started really early in that world — the space was definitely less crowded back then. I also think there’s a lot that comes from not giving up. A lot of people have these expectations that their first video will go viral and that’s just unrealistic. I’ve never had a viral video, it’s always been just slow and steady growth. And finally, where a lot of forms of entertainment have a disconnect between the creator and the consumer, a YouTuber is inherently connected to their viewers and there’s a lot of back and forth. I put something up and the comments I get often inspire my next video. There’s a very intimate connection that develops.
You touch in the movie about the boundaries you have to set in your position, I thought that was so interesting.
It’s been an adventure figuring that out! But over the years I’ve been pretty lucky since most of my viewers have respected those boundaries and have tried to give me my space with my private home life and my family and relationships. Sometimes I have to put my foot down and say, “Hey y’all, this is personal,” and they get it. There’s also a lot of self-policing with these communities online — it doesn’t always have to come from me. Now that I’ve shared a lot in the book and the movie, people can see that I’m a human being, too, and that certain things affect me. I always try to be honest and open about what I feel and I think the more honest you are about stuff, the more people will respect your boundaries.
You’re really good at navigating some of the downsides of the Internet. It wasn’t long after I saw you at that hotel in New York when you got into that whole incident after you said that you thought a comment Liam from One Direction had said was a little homophobic. Some people really turned on you but I was impressed how you weathered that sudden firestorm.
Ugh, to be honest, I thought my career was over. 100 percent. So much of what I did was bout “fangirling” over who I loved in pop culture at the time it was very focused on One Direction. My admiration for the band was so real and raw and honest and then for that to kind of completely turn around in one moment just felt like, “Oh my God, what do I do now?” But I was really lucky to have a lot of people who supported me and friends that gave me good advice. I spent some time away from the Internet, which was really necessary for me at the time, and then when I came back I made sure that I talked about all the complexities of fandom. I wasn’t interested in talking about the specifics of what happened to me or any of that negativity, but I wanted to talk about how to make sure the community that was created by my platform could stay supportive and honest and hold people to high standards.
You should do a Ted Talk about how to get through that kind of online crisis.
Maybe some day!
There’s no doubt in my mind that your online presence has saved the lives of some kids. Do you hear a lot from young people who have just come out or maybe people who came out and it didn’t go so well?
Oh, yeah. That was definitely one of the things that surprised me the most about putting myself out there on YouTube — hearing personal stories from young kids around the country and even around the world about their own coming out experiences or other identity issues. It was never what I planned to do online, I never had the thought of being a “gay YouTuber” who talks about how to come out. I’ve never made a coming out video, but people really identified with just my sharing about myself as a gay man. They would tell me how important it was to them to just see me living my life openly and unashamed and how that helped them decide that this was what they wanted to do. It just blew my mind that people could connect with me on that level just from watching my videos. You never know who’s watching and how it’s going to affect them. Even now, eight years later, every time I get a message like that it just blows my mind.
I think it’s great that the film gets into the trickier parts of your own experience. Everyone knows and loves your supportive mom, but I think seeing more about your relationship with your dad might help a lot of kids.
Yeah, that was really important for me to include in the film. It was scary because it’s a very tense subject and it’s still kind of raw for me and my dad but I had a conversation with him about it and we talked about how it might really help people to see examples of how people who are having problems can work through that kind of stuff. It can show a light at the end of the tunnel for people who are currently in the middle of that.
Your fame has led to you having all sorts of amazing experiences in the past few years. Do you sometimes pinch yourself and say, “Oh my God, how did I get here?”
All the time!
What were some of your most pinchable moments?
Well, I got to go to the White House, that was definitely a pinchable moment! Being on the Ellen show was a pinchable moment. Two months ago I released my first book and it was on the New York Times bestseller list, that was a pinchable moment! And now I think the biggest thing is having a movie in theaters, that is just insane. It boggles my mind that this is the life I get to live but I am so thankful.
Forgive me, but I have to ask you the dreaded “What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?” question, I’m curious if you think about the future in that way.
Oh my God. If you would have asked me last year what I’d be doing this year, I would have had no clue. Ten years from now I will be 36 and hopefully I’ll have kids, be married, and if I still love doing YouTube, I will still be doing that! I would also like to continue writing. Who could have imagined 10 years ago that YouTube would be what it is today so 10 years from now, who knows what will exist? Whatever it is, I’ll definitely be on it!
You’ll probably be appearing in people’s living rooms as some kind of hologram.
Ooh, yes. Or better yet, I’ll be in people’s minds!