8:00: Okay, kids here we go. I have to admit I’m more optimistic about tonight’s broadcast than last year’s abysmal Sound of Music Live. But either way, I applaud NBC’s attempts to promote live theater, whatever the motivation.
8:01: Cool miniature set of London. And it’s great to hear that classic overture again. I grew up on the Mary Martin TV version of Peter Pan which used to air every year. I have to say that Martin and Cyril Ritchard (who played Captain Hook) set a pretty high bar.
8:03: Minnie Driver has just the right voice for a narrator. Cross-promotion for her NBC sitcom About a Boy? Did I hear that she’ll appear later as Old Wendy? What happened to Driver’s movie career? Remember when she was nominated for an Oscar for Good Will Hunting?
8:04: The first sight of the three darling Darling children in any production of Peter Pan usually makes me want to hurl, but these three — 24-year old Taylor Louderman as Wendy, Jake Lucas as John, and John Allyn as Michael, are doing a good job so far.
8:05: Yay, enter Kelli O’Hara as Mrs. Darling. One of the brightest on Broadway. O’Hara has already been nominated for five Tony awards. I saw her in The Light in the Piazza and in the revival of South Pacific which was excellent. I only wish she had a bigger part in this.
8:06: Okay, my initial assessment is that this is already way better than The Sound of Music fiasco. That broadcast suffered from many things, including a cast that simply wasn’t up to the task (except for a few exceptions such as Audra MacDonald as the Mother Abbess and Laura Benanti as the Baroness Schrader).
8:07: Yikes, this is not an easy set for a live broadcast. If someone slams into a wall or accidentally crushes the miniature Big Ben, will they change it for our delayed west coast feed?
8:08: Thank God they decided to go with a real dog as Nana instead of an actor in a dog suit. And so far this adorable Newfoundland deserves the night’s biggest accolades — she’s great!
8:09: My eyes are blinded by the whiteness of this musical. Luckily, we’ll soon be saved by multiracial pirates and Indians. I imagine they’ve cleaned up some of the more offensive Indian numbers and that they won’t literally have red skin like in the previous versions.
8:10: Ouch, first stage light accidentally shown and the camera swerves away jarringly. I’m willing to be tolerant of a few of those — what they’re attempting here is crazy!
8:11: Kelli O’Hara is so damn good. She is musically to this production what Audra McDonald was to last year’s Sound of Music.
8:12: Also love Christian Borle as Mr. Darling. I’ve seen him in several Broadway plays as well. Note to NBC: Keep turning to Broadway for your live stars, NOT your weak slate of TV shows.
8:13: Yay on Kelli O’Hara’s rendition of “Tender Shepherd” even though it’s among my least favorite songs in the musical. Gotta love those Broadway-quality pipes.
8:14: Man, they’re using a lot of cameras and switching off so often I’m getting a little seasick.
8:15: …and good-bye, Mrs. Darling, damn it. See you in a few hours.
8:16: Ugh, that’s Tinkerbell? It looks like a Day-glo wasp got loose in the Darling bedroom. Somebody kill it! Oh, well, I guess that dumb CG effect is better than a human. Remember Julia Roberts’ ill-fated Tinkerbell in Spielberg’s Hook?
8:17: First sight of Allison Williams as Peter Pan. I have to say I’m not a big fan of her costume. She doesn’t look boyish at all. She’s doing a good job with that shadow business, though.
8:18: Holy hell, Williams’ accent is all over the place. Is she supposed to be British or what? They should have just let her use her actual accent. Does the camera really have to move that much? Show offs! (I need Dramamine.)
8:19: Eww, what’s that maid doing in the closet? Is she dead? Is Mr. Darling a serial killer? Creepy.
8:20: It’s kind of terrifying to see this strange “boy” wandering around the Darling home. The maids should be fired instantly and the London bobbies called to arrest the intruder.
8:21: Peter: “No, you mustn’t touch me. No one has ever touched me.” Oy, no wonder it’s called the Peter Pan Syndrome. Run, Wendy, run!
8:21: So, this is clearly a lesbian love story, right? Just asking.
8:22: Ugh, forget Tinkerbell, Allison Williams’ hairstyle reminds me of Julia Roberts in Hook.
8:22: Williams’ first musical number starts a little shaky but she clearly can sing, as we learned on Girls last season, even though those scenes were a bit mortifying for her character. But Williams’ performance will suffer from comparisons by old geezers like me who remember Mary Martin singing “I Gotta Crow.”
8:23: Impressed with the fake shadow work. So far, I’m amazed at the technical achievements of this broadcast. It will win a slew of the kind of Emmy awards that are never televised.
8:24: Hold the phone, are these actors lip-synching? I thought I just saw Allison Williams lips move differently. Why oh why didn’t they let her have an American accent?
8:25: Allison Williams has a beautiful voice and is doing a great job but the whole thing of Peter being played by a grown woman works a lot better on the stage than in extreme TV close-ups. Not that I have any issue with a same-sex love story which this clearly seems like.
8:25: I’m worried that this already feels like it’s dragging and we’re only 25 minutes in. They should have condensed the musical into 90 minutes, it would have been easy to do.
8:27: The set which combines large full-sized pieces with miniatures looks like it’s based on the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland. Which isn’t a bad thing, that ride is pretty cool.
8:28: Ugh, these commercial breaks are awful — so much for the wonders and illusion of live theater. Couldn’t NBC have gotten a sponsor to pay for the whole damn thing? It’s just impossible to maintain the magic of a theatrical performance with these interruptions.
8:32: Hey, Tinkerbell! The early 1990s are calling. They want their computer light show back. I’ve always hated Tinkerbell. She’s vindictive, co-dependent, and anti-feminist.
8:33: Allison Williams just had a real Marnie moment. It would have been funny to give Lena Dunham a cameo in this. She could have been one of the Lost Boys.
8:34: Williams is doing great on her very visible wires. I know everyone is hoping that the technician will slam her against the wall or something. She must have rehearsed the shit of this flying business.
8:35: Oy, more stage lights in view. Damn, that flying can’t be easy — but was there NO way in 2014 to make the wires less obvious?
8:36: Hmm…computer-generated fairy dust. As far as I’m concerned, such added-on effects are cheating for a live production. Not that they aren’t used in actual Broadway shows, too. Ugh, I’ve always hated this saccharine “think lovely thoughts” business. It just doesn’t seem right for Peter’s character.
8:37: Okay, the kids are airborne and there are no disasters yet. This must be so fun (and scary) for them.
8:37: “I’m Flying” is Williams’ best musical number yet. Could the memory of Mary Martin be starting to fade just a bit?
8:38: Wow, the four of them flying out the window over London is pretty cool.
8:38: I have to say again that I really dislike that Peter Pan costume. It looks like Williams is wearing a sports bra under that mesh T-shirt. I need the illusion that she’s a boy.
8:39: Holy shit — what an awkward break to a commercial just as they reach Neverland. Couldn’t they have handled these better?
8:40: The endless commercials for NBC shows makes this telecast remind me of the interminable Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Blech.
8:43: Odd to have Minnie Driver’s narration pop back in after such a long break.
8:43: Christopher Walken looks a big mummified but his Crazy Walken Bit™ seems perfect for this role.
8:44: I love that Christian Borle has a second role as Mr. Smee. In the Mary Martin version it was Cyril Ritchard (Captain Hook) who also played Mr. Darling. Same thing for the stage versions — having Daddy also be the villain is much more interesting psychologically. But I’m glad we don’t have Christopher Walken as the dad.
8:45: I love Walken but his English accent is about as accurate as Clark Gable’s southern accent in Gone With the Wind.
8:45: Kudos to Tony Award-winning costume designer Catherine Zuber. Make room for your upcoming Emmy.
8:46: It’s starting to feel like Christopher Walken is in a completely different show, possibly one directed by Quentin Tarantino. I like it but I kind of miss Cyril Ritchard.
8:47: They really should have done more with that hook. It’s not big or scary enough and looks like it may fall off Walken’s hand any second. Is Walken going to talk-sing all his songs like Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady?
8:48: “A hook for every boy, a boy on every hook.” Oy.
8:48: Here we go — Walken’s trademark dancing. Go, Chris! He looks a little weighed down by his costume.
8:49: Hmm, are those taps from Christopher Walken’s books being dubbed in? Foul!
8:50: Oh dear, here comes Tiger Lily (Alanna Saunders) and her tribe. I know they’ve PC’d up this version but I’m still worried.
8:51: The Lost Boys are much better dancers than the Pirates and the Indians — even though their average age looks to be about 28 or so.
8:52: Honestly, I think they should have just gone nuts with Tiger Lily’s characters and hired Nicki Minaj or Lady Gaga to play her.
8:52: I’m guessing those hunky Indians are wearing flesh-colored bodysuits but they look nearly nude. There’s always been a lot of homoeroticism in this musical.
8:53: My God, how big is this soundstage? I’m not in love with the giant Dr. Seuss-like paper flower trees in Neverland but I like the painted floor.
8:53: The back story involving Captain Hook, Peter Pan, and Tiger Lily is just not clear at all in this production. Minnie Driver, where are you? You got some splainin’ to do!
8:54: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m not sure Christopher Walken is broad enough for this part.
8:55: Yeesh, this pirates number is dragging. Start the song, people! Why is Walken going through every scene looking down? Are there cue cards taped to the floor?
8:55: Christian Borle is really great as Smee.
8:57: The jury is back: Christopher Walken can’t sing. “The boys will eat that poison cake and one by one they’ll DIE!” except he just mouths the word “DIE” like he ran out of steam and just couldn’t get the note out. Oy.
8:59: These cuts to commercial breaks are truly horrific. Who’s responsible for them, Edward Scissorhands?
9:03: I officially detest Tinkerbell. Can someone snuff out that light?
9:04: Finally — Peter and those Darlings brats are back. Here’s a big problem: I don’t believe Allison Williams’ Peter Pan could lead the post-pubescent Lost Boys for a second. They’d eat her alive.
9:05: Poor Wendy. She sees Peter as boyfriend material but he just wants a mommy.
9:06: The Lost Boys house is a cool set. But I would have cut this musical number so fast your head would spin.
9:08: I’m actually relieved to see Williams out of breath — it helps to alleviate my lip-synching fears.
9:09: You call that mopping and scrubbing, Lost Boys? They need the orphan girls from Annie to pop in and make that floor shine like the top of the Chrysler Building!
9:10: “I’d love to be your mother if Peter will be your father.” Oh, Wendy, when will you learn?
9:12: Ha, funny bit with Wendy talking about the end of “Hamlet.” (My first laugh clocked in at 72 minutes.) Was that in the original musical?
9:13: Painful to watch Wendy and Peter playing house. Someone call a therapist — I’ll be napping in the other room for a few minutes.
9:14: Walken’s “Its nice to have a mother” line seems ad-libbed. He’s fun to watch but he’s not really playing Captain Hook.
9:15: “Murder all the boys and keep the Wendy for us.” Ugh. Is that some kind of allusion to gang rape?
9:16: Now Walken is singing like Bert Lahr’s Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. “If I were King of the foreeeeest!”
9:18: At least that commercial break didn’t start in the middle of a scene. Allison Williams is very talented. I’d like to see her in a more appropriate musical.
9:20: Williams’ physicality is very impressive. It’s amazing she didn’t break any bones with all that flying and jumping on and off tables. Her “I’ll Never Grow Up” may be her best number.
9:21: “I’ll never grow up,” sing the Lost Boys. Um…you already have!
9:22: Wow, those full flips over the Darling boys could have gone very badly. Bravo!
9:23: Yay, more of the excellent Smee. I would have rather seen Christian Borle playing Captain Hook (which apparently he’s already done on the stage).
9:24: Enter the confusing Tiger Lily. I have no understanding of her character whatsoever.
9:25: Oy, the boys are dancing live with teacups on their heads. Are they nuts? Phew, they made it.
9:26: I know it’s better to show, not tell, but Minnie Driver should have explained the conflict between Lost Boys, the Pirates, and Tiger Lily’s tribe. I’m clueless over here. I need to reread J.M. Barrie.
9:28: Enter the homoerotic Indians inexplicably grabbing Lost Boys.
9:29: Tiger Lily’s costume is hideous. Is that supposed to be plant-based?
9:31: Gotta love that Allison Williams looks like she’s really having fun despite the obvious pressures.
9:32: New song called “Only Pretend” for Wendy and Peter. CUT! This Wendy has a lovely voice but is she trying to say “pretend” with a British accent? Sounds like “pre-taynd.” Still, this may be the most poignant lesbian love song ever aired live on NBC.
9:34: Eww, creepy mermaids. As my five-year-old son exclaimed yesterday when we drove by a pet store that sold fish, “I LOVE fried fish!”
9:36: Finally, Saunders is showing some spunk as Tiger Lily. She’s growing on me. Except the way she’s tied up evokes Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia being held prisoner by Jabba the Hutt.
9:38: First song between Peter Pan and Captain Hook. It’s Walken’s best number so far even though he’s still Henry Higgins-ing it with that talk-singing.
9:40: Allison is back on her very visible wire and doing an excellent job flying. This woman is good. She’s even singing upside down in the air. I’m impressed.
9:42: The crocodile is a bore. Always has been.
9:44: “The only way out of here is to fly.” “Then we are both doomed!” Really, kids? Then why do we clearly see those huge wires newly strapped to your backs?
9:46: Question: Is a Viagra commercial really appropriate for this show? Hmm…maybe so.
9:48: “Peter Pan is the sun and the moon and stars.” Barf. Let it go, Tiger Lily, you’re better than that!
9:50: Rewritten lyrics for the offensive “Ugga-Wugga” from the original musical. But is this one really that much better? I’m impressed by the elaborate choreography involving almost the entire cast.
9:52: Yikes, Wendy’s nightgown looks like it’s been torn open. Ugh, she’s begging for Peter’s love and he can’t handle it. “You’re exactly like Tink and Tiger Lily. Sometimes they want to be more than my mother.” Oy.
9:55: I’ve always enjoyed this story, but how many generations of young girls did it fuck up?
9:57: The Darling boys are growing on me. I almost experienced an actual emotion when they said they wanted to go home.
10:04: Hooray — Kelli O’Hara gets a fantasy reprise as dear old mom. Her voice is like a breath of fresh air. More Kelli, please!
10:06: I love musicals but I’d have cut a full third of these numbers. I can only imagine how fast people who are not Broadway lovers have moved on to another channel (Bears game, anyone?).
10:08: What? So Peter’s main problem is that he had an awful mother? “Some other boy was sleeping in my bed.” What does that mean here? He’s upset about having a brother? Did his family move away? What the hell is going on in Peter’s psyche? Is there a child psychologist in Neverland?
10:10: “I promise to never lock the window.” Really, Wendy? Or is that some kind of euphemism? Ew.
10:13: “Hook. James Hook, Captain of the Jolly Roger.” James?!
10:16: And the Emmy for the worst computer-generated fairy in the history of television goes to Tinkerbell. Zzzzzz. Kudos to Allison Williams for keeping the right sight line when she looks at that thing.
10:19: “Clap your hands to save Tink.” (Entire country sits on their hands.) Not crazy about Allison breaking the fourth wall and looking at us. Jarring. I like my illusions.
10:21: Hmm, Williams isn’t smiling that much anymore. She looks exhausted, but who could blame her? Lena Dunham’s set will seem like a walk in the park after this.
10:25: Christopher Walken is finally hitting his stride as Hook but it’s too late.
10:27: “Mrs. Hook’s little baby boy…” First time I chuckled in hours. Except didn’t he get that name after his hand was bitten off by the crocodile?
10:28: What boy wouldn’t want to be a pirate? These wusses refuse because they’d have to swear “Down with the King!” Privileged one-percenters!
10:31: Wendy sent to the plank. I’m in!
10:33: More flying for Williams. She’s still got it. Was she a gymnast in high school?
10:36: No offense but my five-year-old could brandish a sword with more skill than Christopher Walken.
10:38: Yikes, Wendy is a cold-blooded murderess! But dig Williams’ multiple airborne somersaults. You go, girl!
10:39: “I am youth! I am joy! I am freedom!” shouts Peter Pan. Why does this suddenly sound like a Hitler Youth rally?
10:41: Favorite Christopher Walken moment of the evening: when he throws the teddy bear overboard instead of giving it back to the hopeful Darling brat. Brilliant!
10:43: Hmm, Hook is dead (spoiler alert!) but what’s stopping the rest of the Pirates from slaughtering the Lost Boys?
10:45: Hello, Kelli O’Hara, it’s SO nice to see you again. But why don’t you have Scotland Yard out looking for your missing children? Instead you’re just making their beds like a crazy person!
10:46: Kelli O’Hara and Nana the dog: definitely the best actors in this thing.
10:47: Nice to have Christian Borle back as Mr. Darling. But oy, more lights in the frame.
10:49: What? Why don’t I remember the Darlings adopting all of those Lost Boys? This just isn’t realistic! (Cough.)
10:51: “You wont forget to come to me, Peter. Please, please don’t forget.” Wendy is just pathetic.
10:53: Enter Minnie Driver as grown-up Wendy under the narration. So the narration was recorded? Cheating! And that blonde wig is not flattering on Driver.
10:54: Oy, Wendy’s young daughter Jane looks like she’s about 32.
10:55: Oh, hold it, mama, you’re just going to let this lunatic come into your house and kidnap your daughter?
10:56: Last flying of the evening and last chance to ram an actor against a wall. Damn, no such luck.
10:57: “I hope that you’ll have a daughter and that she’ll also fly away with Peter.” Seriously, Wendy? You should be warning your daughter against such things. This woman needs a consciousness-raising session!
10:59: And roll credits. Whew, that was a long evening! Despite my snark, I still say it was way better than The Sound of Music and I hope NBC continues the experiment. Since both live shows so far were from Mary Martin musicals, maybe South Pacific next year? Kelli O’Hara already did it on Broadway, but I’d definitely cast her again, even though NBC always wants a “name” in the lead role. Kim Kardashian as Nellie Forbush? Ugh, let’s not give them any ideas.