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5:15: Okay, kids, let’s get this show on the road. 15 minutes of the pre-show is about all I can take. Starting with Will and Jada Pinkett Smith on the red carpet. Looking good. I just hope no one mentions After Earth. What’s with the ascot, though?

5:17: Does anyone really care “who” the stars are wearing or do they just ask that because they’re supposed to? (Our host assures me that people do care!) I will say Sandra Bullock looks great in an Old Hollywood kind of way. I love her answer to the question she was just asked that “it’s hard to answer in a sound bite.” Just say no to sound bites, folks!

5:19: Holy crap, let’s just hope Ellen DeGeneres is better than these red carpet hosts. I like Ellen a lot and thought she did a great job last time she hosted. Was not a fan, for the most part, of Seth McFarlane last year and I’m still in therapy trying to recover from James Franco’s hosting duties.

5:20: The hardest part of watching this show live is having to sit through a thousand commercials. Makes me realize how I almost never watch regular TV — I watch almost everything on my computer. Oh my God, they’ve inserted Audrey Hepburn into a commercial for Dove chocolate?! CITIZEN’S ARREST!

5:23: Well, I’m learning a lot about ABC’s complete slate of programming. Zzzzzz.

5:24: These pre-show hosts are going to go away once the show starts, right?

5:25: For God’s sakes, let Kevin Spacey sit down and get ready for the show, pre-show host! (But he’s giving good answers to her inane questions.)

5:27: First time I’m seeing the trailer for Maleficent. I’m in. Followed by the fifth commercial for Scandal in 20 minutes. Oy.

5:30: Here we go. Wow, the Dolby Theater looks fantastic. I saw people there weeks ago getting it ready.

5:32: I love Ellen but she seems pretty nervous. Hope she’ll relax as the show progresses. Come on, Ellen, there’s only a billion or so people watching.

5:33: Really? June Squibb is the oldest nominee? I thought Gloria Stuart was older.

5:34: Yay, shout out to the real Philomena Lee, I interviewed her and she was so lovely and so thrilled to be played by Judi Dench.

5:35: “Between everyone here you’ve made over 1400 films and attended six years of college.” Okay, that’s funny!

5:36: Meryl Streep and Cate Blanchett representing Old Hollywood glamour, style-wise.

5:37: The translucent Oscars on the stage with Ellen are a bit creepy — is it part of ABC’s promotion for their new show Resurrection?

5:38: Oh, yay, Bruce Dern is there with Laura Dern. Why was Enlightened cancelled?

5:39: Ouch on the “You’re all racist if 12 Years a Slave doesn’t win” joke! Anne Hathaway didn’t seem amused.

5:40: Best Supporting Actor. Gotta be Leto, right?


5:44: And it’s Jared Leto for Best Supporting Actor for Dallas Buyers Club!

5:45: A well deserved win but should we just call the whole thing now? Nyong’o, McConaughey and Blanchett, right?

5:46: Poignant speech. Always sweet to call out your mom. Leto needs to star in a remake of King of Kings. Wow, bringing up Ukraine and Venezuela. I’m amazed he isn’t being played off the stage, this is a pretty long speech! Good that he mentions AIDS and gay rights at the end. Nice.

5:47: The lights in circles behind Ellen remind me of the set of the old Sonny and Cher Show. Oops, I’m showing my age.

5:48: Is it just me or does everyone seem more nervous than usual, even presenter Jim Carrey? Good Bruce Dern imitation. My four-year-old just laughed at Carrey’s LSD joke. Uh-oh.

5:49: Animation montage. I don’t get it — just in general, not related to tonight’s films? That was just weird.

5:50: I like Kerry Washington but please don’t tell me they’re going to stack the presenters list with ABC TV stars. Come on. Oy on Pharrell Williams’ number. The audience doesn’t seem to be taking Washington’s challenge to get up in their seats. But nice moves, Lupita Nyong’o and Amy Adams!

5:53: Impressed by the overhead Busby Berkeley shots but this song isn’t going to win, right?

5:55: Okay, now that we have a sec, wasn’t Ellen’s opening a little lackluster? Or is it just me? I expected more laughs.

5:57: Costume Design next. Oh, please let the presenters ad-lib a little bit. Yikes.

5:58: Best Costume Design Oscar for Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby. Nice speech, thanking the people that really count.

6:02: Best Make-up and Hair Oscar to Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews for Dallas Buyers Club. First of many wins for that film? Is this a fairly new category? I don’t remember it in some shows.

6:03: Really? Star Wars music for Harrison Ford? Oy, I hope he’s more animated in the upcoming Episode VII.

6:06: Now the backdrop on the stage looks like the roses from American Beauty. (Again, I’m dating myself.) Looking forward to seeing an advanced screening of Annette Bening’s new movie tomorrow night (speaking of her great performance in that film).

6:08: 40 minutes in and only three awards given out? And they can’t even blame Debbie Allen’s dance numbers for slowing things down.

6:10: Consolation prizes for the losers. Gulp. Wow, Kim Novak!! Yay, they should be bringing as many people from Old Hollywood onto that stage as possible.

6:14: Best Animated Short Oscar to Mr. Hublot. Wish I had seen that!

6:15: French director’s nervousness is sweet. “Sorry, I have to take a paper!”

6:16: Best Animated Feature Oscar to Frozen! Lots of The Wind Rises fans will be very disappointed but I did like Frozen a lot.

6:18: Ellen is starting to seem more comfortable. Introducing Sally Field who looks fantastic. Having a little trouble with the TelePrompter, though. Ouch. Sally played a character based on my wife’s great-grandmother in the TV mini-series A Woman of Independent Means written by Kendall’s mom Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey. (Am I allowed to make personal plugs in a live-blog?)

6:20: Again, these thematic montages seem a bit helter-skelter. I don’t get it! What is the theme? Am I missing something? I love clips but…

6:22: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Emma Watson presenting. Why wasn’t Don Jon nominated, I loved that movie!

6:23: Best Visual Effects Oscar to Gravity. No surprise there! And well deserved.

6:24: Zac Efron? Is this part of the “let’s appeal to the kids” plan?

6:25: Karen O playing the song from Her with Ezra Koenig from the band Vampire Weekend. (My hip, much younger hosts just told me that, I wouldn’t have had a clue.) Sweet but this won’t win.

6:28: Yay, commercial for the Muppets with the song from Midnight Cowboy. Now there’s a mash-up for you.

6:30: Is this show dragging or is it just me? Nothing too embarrassing yet…and that’s not necessarily a good thing.

6:31: Kate Hudson still gets to present? Has she made a movie in the past five years? Just sayin.

6:33: Best Live Action Short Film Oscar to Helium. Seems to be a crowd favorite. Speech seems heartfelt.

6:35: Best Short Documentary Oscar to The Lady in Number 6. Amazing story, well deserved win although there were some great short docs this year. Moving tribute to the subject of the doc who died one week ago today at the age of 110 (!). “See the film, she’ll help you live a much happier life.”

6:36: Ellen is trying but I don’t think she’s going to get great reviews for tonight.

6:37: Bradley Cooper presenting Documentary Feature. Will it be The Act of Killing or 20 Feet from Stardom?

6:38: Best Documentary Feature Oscar to 20 Feet from Stardom. Expected. I would have voted for The Square which I thought was an extraordinary film. Oh, you go, Darlene Love! I love her!!

6:41: Kevin Spacey talking about special Oscars given out this year. It’s a travesty that these awards aren’t part of the regular telecast. Ridiculous. Steve Martin, Angela Lansbury, Piero Tosi, and Angelina Jolie for her humanitarian efforts.

6:44: My host’s comment on the show so far: “No catastrophes and no triumphs. Boring.” I agree, I’m sorry to say.

6:49: Ewan McGregor and Viola Davis presenting Foreign Language Film. Will it be The Great Beauty as everyone expects?

6:50: Best Foreign Language Film Oscar to Italy’s The Great Beauty, as expected. I was pulling for Belgium’s Broken Circle Breakdown since I interviewed the director Felix Van Groeningen and thought it was great. (Yes, Academy, my vote can be had for a 20-minute interview!)

6:52: Tyler Perry presenting more of the Best Picture nominees. His first-look deal at Lionsgate was just cancelled, not a good week for him.

6:55: Ellen’s biggest reaction of the night so far is for her costume change. Oy. Nice white tux, though!

6:56: U2 is “the biggest rock band in the world,” Brad Pitt? I’m just asking. Our hosts’ 3-year-old pronounced this song boring and wanted to hear more Vampire Weekend.

6:58: Wait, was that Paula Deen sitting with Sandra Bullock? Yikes, Matthew McConnaughey still looks too skinny, in my fat-man’s opinion.

6:59: What was that commercial featuring armpits for?

7:01: Chevrolet commercial featuring kids making movie is my favorite so far.

7:03: Yay, Ellen and Liza. C’mon Ellen, you should’ve stayed with her longer!


7:04: Group selfie is fun! Best Ellen moment so far. Even Angelina got involved.

7:05: Glad Michael B. Jordan is presenting, he should have received a nomination for Fruitvale Station. They’re speeding through the Scientific & Technical Awards.

7:07: Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron. I like Hemsworth’s retro tux. Sound Awards. Ouch. TelePrompter problems again.

7:08: Best Sound Mixing Oscar to Gravity. How do most Academy voters even know enough about this to vote?

7:10 Best Sound Editing Oscar to Gravity again. It’s a SWEEP! Winner is wearing a black ribbon. What does a black ribbon mean again?

7:12: Christoph Waltz for Best Supporting Actress. Here we go! Lupita, I’m sure.


7:14: Best Supporting Actress Oscar to Lupita Nyong’o for 12 Years a Slave! Yippee! Beautiful speech, too. (Shout-out to the Academy for NOT having the orchestra play people off this year.)

7:20: Holy hell, how many commercials for ABC’s Resurrection can one show include?

7:22: Pizzas have arrived, kids. Yikes, is that product placement? Wait, only the A-listers get a slice? Harrison Ford, give your piece to Calista!

7:24: President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. Lovely, but she’s clearly not from the acting branch.

7:25: Yay, mentioning the Academy’s upcoming museum on Fairfax and Wilshire. I CANNOT WAIT!

7:27: Amy Adams and Bill Murray. She looks gorgeous. Time for cinematography award. Love Bill’s impromptu tribute to Harold Ramis.

7:28: Best Cinematography Oscar to Emmanuel Lubezki for Gravity. “I want to thank my teachers, not all of them, but some of them.” Love it!

7:30: Anna Kendrick and Gabourey Sidibe for Editing.

7:32: Best Editing Oscar to Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger for Gravity! Wow, Gravity is really raking it in. That’s why Sandra Bullock is getting the most close-ups (even though she doesn’t have a prayer of winning her category).

7:33: Whoopi Goldberg and I hear Wizard of Oz music. Bring it on, Liza and Lorna!

7:34: Glad the movie is getting a tribute on its 75th anniversary. Love Whoopi’s ruby slippers. So cool to have all three of Judy Garland’s kids there, you never see her son. What? They’re not coming to the stage? Come on!

7:35: Pink singing “Over the Rainbow?” Is this a surprise, I didn’t hear anything about it. I’m still amazed by Pink’s performance at the Grammys. Nice job, Alicia. Ooh, Liza didn’t look very happy after the song. I can’t believe they didn’t let Liza speak. She’s an Oscar winner, for God’s sake!


7:43: Ellen as Glinda. I love it — and so does Lorna Luft.

7:44: Jennifer Garner and Benedict Cumberbatch for Production Design.

7:46: Best Production Design Oscar to Beverley Dunn and Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby. Wow, who would’ve thought Martin would get two Oscars for this film?

7:47: Chris Evans with another mishmash montage about heroes. Sorry, but these clips are not working. Why are there no clips from older films?

7:50: Commercials again? Please, please, please, not another one for Resurrection!

7:52: Glenn Close looking like she’s wearing her costume from 101 Dalmations. Oh God, the In Memoriam tribute. Who are they going to leave out this year?

7:55: Aw, James Gandolfini. Karen Black. Eileen Brennan. Deanna Durbin. Elmore Leonard. Annette! Peter O’Toole. Roger Ebert. Shirley Temple. Joan Fontaine. Juanita Moore. Harold Ramis. Eleanor Parker. Julie Harris. Maximillian Schell. Esther Williams. Philip Seymour Hoffman.

7:58: Um…I love Bette Midler and I like this song in its place but…REALLY? NOW? Oy…

8:00: Okay, I’m glad Harold Ramis was included but the Academy always gave the excuse that they left people out in years past because they “missed the deadline.” They’ve still never honored Dorothy McGuire or Betty Garrett and others. Ugh.

8:04: Yikes, Ellen’s new black outfit is not the best.

8:05: Golden Hawn presenting more Best Picture nominees. First mother and daughter on the show this year.

8:08: Can’t believe I never saw Captain Philips. But why was Tom Hanks not nominated?

8:09: John Travolta presenting Idina Menzel singing “Let It Go.” (Hold it, did he just butcher Idina’s name?)

8:10: Idina has a killer voice and I’m guessing this song is going to win. Saw her when she was still in Wicked and that note at the end of “Defying Gravity” was insane. This song is very “Defying Gravity-ish.”

8:12: Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel presenting the original score award. Oy, fire the TelePrompter operator!

8:14: Best Original Score Oscar to Steven Price for Gravity! The 20th close-up of Sandra Bullock applauding.

8:16: And the Best Song Oscar to “Let It Go” from Frozen. No surprise, there! These are the guys who wrote the Avenue Q. At least one of them did. (It’s hell to not be able to Google while live-blogging! I’m exhausted!)

8:21: NO SURPRISES AT ALL SO FAR. Maybe in the big acting awards? Nah…

8:24: Robert De Niro and Penelope Cruz. “Such weird pairings tonight,” says our hostess. Writing awards…

8:25: Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar to John Ridley for 12 Years a Slave. (I wrote that before Penelope said the name.)

8:27: Best Original Screenplay Oscar to Spike Jonze for Her. YAY!! I loved that movie!

8:29: Awkward Ellen Spike Jonze joke. Yeesh.

8:31: We have to be down to the main acting awards, yes?

8:32: Angelina Jolie and Sidney Poitier, Oscar winner 50 years ago. Yay! Standing O for Sidney!

8:34: Best Director. This one I’m not sure I can predict. Alfonso?

8:35: Best Director Oscar to Alfonso Cuarón for Gravity! No surprises, no surprises.

8:36: Sandra Bullock’s face hasn’t moved in three hours, the same exact expression.

8:37: I wish all foreign-born winners would speak in their own language. Why are they playing a song from Mary Poppins — just to be mean since Saving Mr. Banks didn’t get any nominations?

8:41: Daniel Day-Lewis for Best Actress. Cate? Cate?


8:44: Best Actress Oscar to Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine! “Sit down, you’re too old to be standing!” Love her. God, she’s gorgeous. At the press day, I told her how great her accent was as she was walking down the hall and she shouted back at me in her American accent all the way to the elevator. Sally Hawkins was great in that movie, too. Glad she’s mentioning her theater company in Sydney.

8:48: Great speech, Cate. Now that’s a movie star! Now Jennifer Lawrence for Best Actor.

8:49: Any chance Dern will beat McConaughey? Probably not.


8:51: Best Actor Oscar to Matthew McConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club!

8:53: I used to not care for him but he keeps giving such good performances (loved Mud, too) that I have to like him. Wait, what’s he talking about? His mom looks like Helen Mirren.

8:55: Wow, they are really letting people talk as long as they want! “Awright, awright, awright!”

8:56: Will Smith to present Best Picture? Why, exactly?


8:58: Best Picture Oscar to 12 Years a Slave!

8:59: So every single award was the same as yesterday’s Independent Spirit Awards (and lots of others).

9:00: So what d’ya think, folks? No surprises, no real excitement, some well deserved awards and very nice speeches. My 4-year-old is bouncing off the walls as is our friends’ kid — anything for ART!

9:02: Best moments? Darlene Love singing? My hosts response: “There were so few!” We all loved Lupita’s speech. The “Wizard of Oz” tribute could have been so much better. Bette Midler’s song was just weird.

9:04: Okay, guys, thanks for reading. I’m going to go collapse and then watch some TCM since there was very little acknowledgment that the movie industry existed before the 1960s. SEE YOU ALL NEXT YEAR!

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